Post by Rick Majors on Apr 22, 2018 18:59:17 GMT -5
“But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.”
Sitting on the floor of his apartment in complete darkness, Gabriel felt very alone. Of course, he deserved to feel alone. He had failed. Again. For the last decade, his life had been nothing but trying and failing. Repeatedly.
For someone who was "reborn" a year ago, he sure thought about the past a lot. In fact, he was consumed by it. There were brief moments where he was able to experience things as they were happening, but all it took was a brief reminder of the past and his mind immediately went back there.
Recently he has had many reminders.
At Mass Destruction, it should have been a celebration. After all, at Mass Destruction in 2017, just about one year ago, Rick Majors began the process that saw him become saved and reborn as Gabriel. That night still lived vividly in his mind.
As he drove Kelli Starr's head into the mat and looked up at his new saviour, it all felt right. He knew that he was making the right decision. As The Lord embraced him, he felt the love he had been searching for. He was home. It was beautiful. He was welcomed into the Kingdom of The Lord and granted a new life, one full of hope and free of sin.
And now, one year later, there should have been a grand celebration but, instead, Gabriel ruined it. Of course he ruined it. That's what he does.
Rick Majors ruined everything in his life. His marriage, his friendships, his relationships with family members, his body, his career, and anything else that mattered. This was just another failure. But this time it was Gabriel's failure.
Things were supposed to be different now. The life of sadness, defeat and loss should have ended the moment The Lord saved him. And yet there he was, sitting in the dark, thinking about how everything had gone wrong. Again. He'd grown to feel home in the dark. A concussion will do that. The light had left his life. Again.
As if recent events weren't bad enough for his psyche and self esteem, now he had to face Tyler Scott.
Tyler Scott and Rick Majors had known each other for over a decade. When Rick Majors was planning to wind down his career and begin his new life with his then-wife, Tyler Scott was just beginning his ascension up the NLCW card. Majors met Scott while Tyler was proving himself in the NLCW's developmental league.
At that point in their lives, Rick Majors was an NLCW mainstay who was working as a road agent while recovering from surgery and Tyler Scott was relatively knew to the company. But he was impressing people very quickly. One of the people that Tyler Scott impressed was Rick Majors.
One evening, Majors went to NLCW management and told them he believed that Tyler was ready to be called up to the main roster. They weren't sure, but they trusted Rick's opinion. And, for once, he was right. Majors' life hadn't yet entered a downward spiral. He was a respected veteran who could still pose a challenge to anyone in the company. He would go on to hold several championships in the NLCW, becoming one of the organization's most-decorated stars.
But soon none of that would matter. Life had other plans for Rick Majors, and those plans were painful.
As Gabriel sat in the dark, he picked up a knife that had been sitting on the floor beside him. Years ago, Rick Majors had tried to end it all backstage at a PCW event. And, because he was a failure, his attempt was unsuccessful.
Maybe it was time to try again.
He brought the knife closer to his arm. Then he paused. This wasn't the way to honour The Lord. The Lord has saved him. The Lord had chosen him. The Lord had seen something of value in and Gabriel could not disappoint Him again. When Rick Majors had nothing left, Seromine was there for him. Seromine reached out to him. Seromine told him that he was worth something, that he could he still accomplish things, that his life still had meaning. It would be incredibly disrespectful to The Lord to take the easy way out.
Life had hurt Gabriel yet again, but he needed to stand up and take his punishment. He had to stop looking at the past. If didn't matter what happened one year ago. He didn't matter what happened one month ago. And it certainly didn't matter what Rick Majors had said to Tyler Scott - or about Tyler Scott - in 2006.
All that mattered was looking ahead. He had to stay in the present. The Icemann Invitational Tournament was underway. This was another opportunity to showcase the power of The Lord. Again Gabriel had a chance to show how he had grown and found success thanks to The Lord's love.
Yet the stakes are much higher this time. This isn't just about proving The Lord's strength to the nonbelievers, but it's also about proving to The Lord that Gabriel was worthy of His love.
He still couldn't believe what a huge mistake he'd made with Brenna Gordon. The Lord deserved to drive a spike through her wicked heart and Gabriel stole that chance from him. That horrible error could never be corrected. But he could still atone for it. Advancing in this tournament and leaving Tyler Scott brutalized and beaten in his wake would show The Lord that he still had value.
He picked up the knife again. This time he sliced into the skin on his wrist, piercing it just enough to draw blood.
The pain kept him in the present. He wasn't going to cut deep enough to cause actual harm, but he had to keep focused. He couldn't afford to have memories of past failures distracting him.
Tyler Scott was a very tough competitor. Since returning to PCW, he has hung with the best. He recently won a tournament to become number one contender for the North American Championship, so he has proven himself to be successful in tournaments. Tyler Scott pushed Stormm to the edge and nearly won the title, the same title that Stormm had easily taken from Gabriel. Tyler Scott stood toe-to-toe with Justin Michaels, the man who had beaten Gabriel so badly that it took a month of sitting in a closet to recover from the brain injury he suffered at Stormm's hands.
There is no reasonable way that Gabriel should be able to defeat Tyler Scott. And yet he would. Because Gabriel has The Lord on his side. And that made the impossible possible.
He wasn't going to screw up this time. Not again. Not like before.
He dragged the knife along his wrist once more. "Stay in the present, you idiot!" he screamed at himself. "Don't fuck things up again!"
As more blood dripped from his arm, he closed his eyes. He knew this was his last opportunity. He knew that if he failed, The Lord could no longer risk associating with him. The Lord could not stand beside a complete failure and call him his messenger. The Lord was kind and loving, yes, but even He knew when it was time to cut His losses and move on.
Move on like Kelly did. Like wrestling did. Like time did. Gabriel was an old, battered man who was desperate to succeed. He needed this. He needed this more than he had ever needed anything. The Lord's love and respect were the most important things in this life, more important than trophies or riches or championships. His love was the only kind of love that mattered. And Rick Majors had never been the kind of person who knew how to hold onto love.
He sliced at his wrist once more, cutting a bit deeper this time. More blood spilled out and Gabriel winced. For a moment he panicked, thinking he had gone too far, but he quickly relaxed. If this was the end, if another screw up was what was going to do him in, then so be it.
But it wasn't. Gabriel looked down at his crimson-stained wrist and closed his eyes once more. At least the headaches had stopped. The nausea was gone as well. PCW officials told him that he could safely return to the ring. His concussion had healed and his brain was racing. Every failure came rushing back to him, over and over, again and again, faster and faster each time. As soon as he managed to slow down the thoughts, something would happen and they'd start all over again. The mistakes, the bad decisions, the lost opportunities, the failures, the sadness, the fear, the loss, the missteps..... over and over and over and over.
He cut into the flesh of his arm once more, desperate for the pain to distract him, to take him away from the past and let him focus on the present. But each time he cut himself, it hurt a little less. It shocked his brain a little less. He reacted a little less. Pain had long become commonplace for him. And now there was nothing he could do to stop the voices from torturing him and the past from haunting him.
Nothing but beat Tyler Scott.